Few decisions in your life will shape your eternity quite like the person you choose to marry. And yet, few seasons of life are navigated with less wisdom, less counsel, and less biblical clarity than the dating years.
Singles often fall through the cracks in our churches. That’s an observation, not a criticism. It’s one of those hard-to-avoid realities — you can be 18 or 68 and be single, and those two people have wildly different needs. Being single isn’t a characteristic that organizes people into neat ministry categories. But that’s exactly why we need to talk about it more, not less.
I see Apostolic singles from every age group struggling to navigate dating and faithfulness to God at the same time. With that in mind, these six dating standards apply across the board. Some are rooted in clear biblical principles; others are informed by decades of pastoral counseling and observation. All of them are offered with one goal in mind: to help you honor God in how you pursue a spouse.
Before we get started, let me say a few things plainly. Being single does not make you less valuable than married people. It is far better to be single than married to the wrong person. And it’s a natural, God-given desire to long for a spouse — God Himself declared that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). There’s nothing wrong with that desire. The question is not whether you pursue it, but how you pursue it. Which brings me to the first standard.
1. Apostolic Singles Should Never Date Anyone Who Is Not Apostolic
I mean that without exception — and I know that sounds strong. But I’ve watched too many stories end in heartbreak to soften it.
There is nothing more foundational to a relationship than spiritual unity. How can you build a life with someone who disagrees with the most defining reality of your existence? Amos 3:3 asks the question plainly: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Paul reinforces the principle in 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” He goes on to command separation — not because believers are better, but because the temple of God has no common ground with the temple of idols (vv. 16–17). And 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns that bad company corrupts good character. These aren’t suggestions. They’re guardrails installed by the Holy Spirit.
Spiritual disagreement doesn’t just affect Sunday mornings — it bleeds into every corner of married life. How you raise your children. How you handle finances. How you navigate conflict. How you worship in your home. All of it is shaped by what you believe about God. If you’re not standing on the same theological ground, you’re building a covenant on a fractured foundation.
I’ve heard every argument and every exception. I’ve watched countless situations where someone claimed to be serious about God just to be in a relationship with an Apostolic man or woman. Those relationships are built on a lie — and a lie is a terrible foundation for a lifelong covenant. The “happily ever after” success stories of dating someone into the church are vanishingly rare. The heartbreak and backsliding stories are not. Scripture warned us plainly: Solomon’s foreign wives turned his heart away from the Lord (1 Kings 11:4), and the apostle Paul reminds us that “evil communications corrupt good manners” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
And beyond the practical concerns, this is really a question of the heart. Why would you be drawn to someone who isn’t Spirit-filled, living holy, and genuinely passionate about their walk with God? If the things of God are the center of your life, the person you pursue should share that center.
2. Mr. Right Will Attract Mrs. Right — and Vice Versa
Most singles carry a checklist — whether it’s mental or written down — of what they want in a spouse. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, depending on what’s on the list. But here’s what I’ve noticed after decades of pastoral ministry: too many singles spend all their energy evaluating others and almost no energy evaluating themselves.
You will not attract the right kind of person if you aren’t becoming the right kind of person. Character attracts character. Spiritual depth attracts spiritual depth. Proverbs 31 describes a virtuous woman “whose price is far above rubies” (v. 10) — but notice, that kind of woman is being described, not demanded. She exists because she has been cultivated. The same is true of a godly man. Paul told young Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). That’s a blueprint for becoming the kind of person worth marrying.
If you want someone who is faithful, growing, stable, and mature — the best thing you can do right now is become all of those things yourself. Singlehood is not a waiting room. It’s a training ground. It’s a tremendous season for self-improvement, spiritual growth, emotional maturation, and preparation. Use it. Don’t waste the season God has given you by sitting idle and scrolling through everyone else’s highlight reel.
Get in the Word. Serve your church. Develop your gifts. Pay off your debts. Strengthen your character. Grow. The right person is far more likely to find you when you’re busy becoming who God designed you to be.
3. Trust That God Is Guiding Your Steps
Fate is not a biblical concept, but divine providence absolutely is. Romans 8:28 promises that God works all things together for good for those who love Him. Proverbs 3:5–6 instructs us to trust the Lord and not lean on our own understanding. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that while we may plan our steps, the Lord directs our path. And Psalm 37:23 declares that the steps of a righteous person are ordered by the Lord.
These aren’t fortune-cookie sentiments. They’re covenantal promises from a God who is deeply invested in the details of your life — including your future marriage.
Consider the story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24. Abraham sends his servant to find a wife for his son — not just any woman, but one set apart, one from the covenant line. The servant arrives at a well in a foreign land and prays a specific prayer: “Let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed out for thy servant Isaac” (Genesis 24:14). Before he finished praying, Rebekah appeared. She drew water for him and for his camels. The prayer was answered before the amen.
There’s a beautiful typology woven through that story. Abraham, the father, sends a servant (a type of the Holy Spirit) to find a bride for his son (a type of Christ). The bride is discovered through her character, her willingness to serve, and her readiness to leave everything behind to follow. It’s a picture of how the Spirit calls out the Bride of Christ from among the nations — and it’s also a picture of how God faithfully provides for those who trust Him. Rebekah wasn’t found by striving or scheming. She was found by a servant who prayed and a young woman who was already living faithfully before she knew she was being sought.
I know the temptation. You look around your church on a given Sunday and think, “If these are my only options, I’m going to be single forever.” But we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). If you trust God and guard your integrity, He will orchestrate your future in ways you could never plan on your own. Your job is to be faithful. God’s job is to be sovereign. He’s never failed at His.
4. Create and Maintain Protective Boundaries
I’m confident that most Apostolic singles don’t enter relationships planning to compromise their purity. But without clear, intentional boundaries in place, lines can be crossed faster than anyone anticipates. Good intentions are not the same as good guardrails. Carelessness leads to sinfulness in a hurry.
Paul’s instruction to the Thessalonian church is direct: “This is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4). Notice the word “abstain.” He didn’t tell them to manage it, moderate it, or minimize it. He told them to walk away from it entirely. Likewise, 1 Corinthians 6:18 commands believers to “flee fornication” — the verb is active, urgent, and unmistakable. When Joseph was tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t try to reason with her. He ran (Genesis 39:12). That’s the biblical pattern for sexual temptation — not dialogue, not negotiation, but flight.
So let’s get practical. Here are some boundaries that every dating couple should establish and protect:
Never be alone together in a house or bedroom.
Under no circumstances should an unmarried man and woman be alone together in a private setting. There’s too much opportunity for things to go too far — and even if nothing happens, the appearance is inappropriate. Paul wrote, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Protect your testimony as fiercely as you protect your purity.
Spend time in groups.
Dating couples need to be around other people. You need to see how that person interacts with your friends, your family, and the people already in your life. Proverbs 27:17 tells us that “iron sharpeneth iron” — community reveals character in ways that isolation never can. A relationship that only exists in isolation is hiding something.
Always have a plan.
Don’t just “hang out” with no structure. Boredom and too much unstructured free time are a dangerous combination for two people who are attracted to one another. David’s greatest moral failure began when he was idle on a rooftop when he should have been at war (2 Samuel 11:1–2). Have a plan. Go somewhere. Do something intentional.
Stay accountable to spiritual authority.
Talk to your pastor, your family, and trustworthy spiritual mentors before you become emotionally invested. “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). Singles who skip this step are dodging godly counsel, and that’s almost always a sign that something is off.
Ask lots of questions.
Don’t assume you know what someone believes just because they warm a church pew. There’s always a Judas close to Jesus. Talk. Go deep. Ask about their beliefs, their spiritual habits, their dreams, their goals, their convictions. Find out if they’re growing spiritually or coasting.
Watch how they respond in worship.
If they sit through services like they’re watching paint dry, something is spiritually off balance. Worship reveals the heart — Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34). If they’re uninvolved and disconnected from their local church, that’s a red flag. Run.
Stay modest — even digitally.
Texting, social media, and video chatting have reshaped the dating landscape. But the standard hasn’t changed. Paul wrote that fornication and uncleanness should “not be once named among you, as becometh saints” (Ephesians 5:3). If it would be immodest to show in person, it’s immodest to show on a screen. Modesty doesn’t have an off switch.
5. Don’t Date Someone Who Isn’t Marriage Material
Never date just to date. I’ve received a lot of pushback on this over the years, and I stand by it without apology.
Dating is not a game. It’s not a hobby. It’s not a temporary fix for loneliness. Dating is two people prayerfully and intentionally evaluating whether they are compatible for a lifetime covenant before God. Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” That verse assumes an intentional pursuit — a finding — not a casual drift from one relationship to the next. Marriage is a covenant that God witnesses and seals (Malachi 2:14). It deserves the weight of intention, not the lightness of entertainment.
And by the way — spending all your free time with someone of the opposite sex is dating, whether you call it that or not. Labels don’t change what a relationship actually is. If marriage isn’t a realistic possibility with that person, you need to stop immediately. You’re either moving toward a godly marriage or you’re wasting time, emotional energy, and potentially your purity on something that has no future.
There’s another danger worth naming here: the “placeholder relationship.” Some singles enter relationships they know won’t last simply because they don’t want to be alone. That’s not love — that’s using another human being as an emotional crutch. It’s unfair to them, dishonest to yourself, and displeasing to God. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with the other person. And be willing to walk away when the answer is clear.
6. Know Your Worth
You are incredibly valuable. Don’t let anyone or anything convince you otherwise.
David wrote, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Peter reminds believers that they are “a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people” (1 Peter 2:9). You are not an afterthought in God’s creation. You are not a placeholder. You are a son or daughter of the Most High, bought with the blood of Jesus, filled with His Spirit, and set apart for His purposes.
In a culture saturated with casual sex, disposable relationships, and distorted definitions of love, Apostolic singles are set apart by God for something far better. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not missing out. You are being positioned by a God who knows exactly what He’s doing. Jeremiah 29:11 promises, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” That includes your future marriage.
Don’t settle out of fear. Don’t compromise out of loneliness. Don’t rush out of impatience. The enemy will try to convince you that your standards are too high, that you’re too picky, that nobody will ever meet your expectations. That’s a lie. God’s standards are your standards, and He honors those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30).
A Final Word
Marriage is, by far, the most life-impacting decision you will ever make. It shapes your home, your children, your ministry, your legacy, and your daily walk with God. A decision that consequential deserves more than impulse and emotion — it demands prayer, accountability, faithfulness, preparation, and wisdom.
Know this above all else: God cares deeply about your happiness. He is not withholding good things from you. Psalm 84:11 promises, “No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” He is in complete control of your future. Trust Him. Let Him lead.
And when the time is right — when His providence intersects your faithfulness, when the well where you’ve been drawing water becomes the well where you are found — you’ll look back and see that His plan was better than anything you could have written for yourself. Until then, stay faithful. Stay holy. Stay hopeful. And trust the God who orders the steps of the righteous.
